my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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