garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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