Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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