I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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