Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
