he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
