remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
