The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize