Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
