a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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