i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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