It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
