Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
