Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
