oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
