I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
