Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
