Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
