Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
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