Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
