By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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