Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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