If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I wish life had little blips of pornography
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
