rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
