I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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