FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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