Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
