I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
