I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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