He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
