you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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