worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
