Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize