It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
