Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
