Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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