# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
