I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
