jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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