Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
