I bet he comes in French.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
