sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
