She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
