i was born a porn star she said
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
