i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
