I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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