I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
