Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
