I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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