so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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