I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I think I just sharted jello shots
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
