what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
