Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Do vagina's smell?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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