I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
