u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
