what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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