Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize