I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
