I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
