Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
