i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
