dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The uberlube is also flammable
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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