ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
