He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize