My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
