Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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