So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hippo gnu deer
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
