Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
